Hi, It’s Barb

Start here.

Welcome to Comedy, Tragedy, my little corner of Substack! Why comedy? Why tragedy? I’m not a thespian, but I’m a writer living with bipolar. Those masks are a good representation of the disorder.

When manic (or hypomanic in my case—I have bipolar type 2) things aren’t necessarily comedic but life sure seems grand for a little while—lots of laughter, colors are brighter, self-esteem is higher or high, period. I usually feel productive, and creative, but then I crash into a depression and it turns out the things I produced while in that state tend to be garbage. That “high” comes with a price: going into debt from overspending, ruined relationships, and most likely a trip to the hospital. Not in all cases but it happens. I haven’t experienced this in years, thankfully.

When I fall into a depressive episode, it can become tragic. I’ve made a couple of attempts on my life. Unfortunately, some people succeed.

I’m unable to write when I’m depressed. I’ve gone many years without writing a single word. There’s a lot of anxiety involved, in addition to being unable to literally get out of bed. What if I fail? Anything I write will be shit. Maybe I should just quit.

This time of year, I’ve historically experienced a depression so deep that it necessitated undergoing electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Fortunately, the last time I had ECT was in 2017.

This fall, I’m grateful that I’m not going through a depression. December may or may not be okay, but January is brutal. My writing has been going well for the past two years. I’m not planning to quit.

I’m not sure yet what format this Substack will take. As someone with a mood disorder, it’s wise not to take on too many things at once. I’m aiming to post weekly, but we’ll see.

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