Imposter Syndrome
Strikes Again
I was accepted to a workshop taking place in August. When I applied, I thought only locals would be attending, but people from out of state are coming. It hasn’t even started but I’m convinced I’m the worst writer there. I wasn’t accepted right away; I was waitlisted. Someone must have dropped out, which opened up a spot for me.
It didn’t help that, although I uploaded my work to the Google Drive folder by the deadline, it disappeared from the drive. Maybe I accidentally deleted it? I don’t know. Anyway, I uploaded it again and sent a “reply all” email notifying the rest of the group. How embarrassing.
I’ve been in workshops before, so I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I think it’s because I never feel like I give good enough feedback no matter how hard I try. No thanks to medication, ECT treatments, and bipolar disorder, I experience some cognitive dysfunction, which makes a mess of my critical thinking skills. It’s like I have no depth. But the more I critique other people’s work, the more I should improve, right? I hope so.
I’m feeling some anxiety over this. Not enough that I need to go back on anti-anxiety medication, but the workshop schedule is going to wreak havoc with my routine. And routines are so important to my mental health (I’ll write about that in a future post). I’m going to have to readjust and it’s never easy.
I actually am glad I am reading v you front to back because I heard the joy and accomplishment in your post where you flew up and out in the workshop and became and grew from it.
I read this and I know a similar rut of the imposter…. Having real world experience and breaking through the fears is so rewarding.
You’re like, IN my mind! I was going to write about imposter syndrome next 😅
But you’ll be fine! I’ve been taking writing classes for a couple of years now and one of the best ones I’ve been in was a workshop. Feedback is so so important. I sometimes have a hard time hearing feedback but I found it’s also important to know where the feedback is coming from. Sometimes people don’t understand your work but they say things because they have to for the class. Like David said, some feedback is “wrong”. Just take what resonates with you the most.
I also know that almost every other person in that workshop is feeling like an imposter too. Some of the better writers in my workshop were always shy or doubtful of their work but I would be on the side of the screen, sooo envious of them and what they could do with words that I would try harder to impress them the next time I shared work. That’s an upside of feeling like an imposter; you get to learn from people better than you. You’re in that workshop to learn and better your craft. If you are the worst writer in the room (which I doubt), you’re actually gaining the most from taking the workshop.
I hope whatever I said helps, even a little bit. Can’t wait to hear about what you’ve learned! I also hope that it doesn’t feel too much like a slog. Ideally, you won’t feel like it’s too much of a burden on your time and schedule because it’s something you like to do 🤞🏽