
I was accepted to a workshop taking place in August. When I applied, I thought only locals would be attending, but people from out of state are coming. It hasnβt even started but Iβm convinced Iβm the worst writer there. I wasnβt accepted right away; I was waitlisted. Someone must have dropped out, which opened up a spot for me.
It didnβt help that, although I uploaded my work to the Google Drive folder by the deadline, it disappeared from the drive. Maybe I accidentally deleted it? I donβt know. Anyway, I uploaded it again and sent a βreply allβ email notifying the rest of the group. How embarrassing.
Iβve been in workshops before, so I donβt know why Iβm so nervous. I think itβs because I never feel like I give good enough feedback no matter how hard I try. No thanks to medication, ECT treatments, and bipolar disorder, I experience some cognitive dysfunction, which makes a mess of my critical thinking skills. Itβs like I have no depth. But the more I critique other peopleβs work, the more I should improve, right? I hope so.
Iβm feeling some anxiety over this. Not enough that I need to go back on anti-anxiety medication, but the workshop schedule is going to wreak havoc with my routine. And routines are so important to my mental health (Iβll write about that in a future post). Iβm going to have to readjust and itβs never easy.
I actually am glad I am reading v you front to back because I heard the joy and accomplishment in your post where you flew up and out in the workshop and became and grew from it.
I read this and I know a similar rut of the imposterβ¦. Having real world experience and breaking through the fears is so rewarding.
Youβre like, IN my mind! I was going to write about imposter syndrome next π
But youβll be fine! Iβve been taking writing classes for a couple of years now and one of the best ones Iβve been in was a workshop. Feedback is so so important. I sometimes have a hard time hearing feedback but I found itβs also important to know where the feedback is coming from. Sometimes people donβt understand your work but they say things because they have to for the class. Like David said, some feedback is βwrongβ. Just take what resonates with you the most.
I also know that almost every other person in that workshop is feeling like an imposter too. Some of the better writers in my workshop were always shy or doubtful of their work but I would be on the side of the screen, sooo envious of them and what they could do with words that I would try harder to impress them the next time I shared work. Thatβs an upside of feeling like an imposter; you get to learn from people better than you. Youβre in that workshop to learn and better your craft. If you are the worst writer in the room (which I doubt), youβre actually gaining the most from taking the workshop.
I hope whatever I said helps, even a little bit. Canβt wait to hear about what youβve learned! I also hope that it doesnβt feel too much like a slog. Ideally, you wonβt feel like itβs too much of a burden on your time and schedule because itβs something you like to do π€π½