Crochet, Depression & Anxiety

and quitting

Rudy modeling a sweater I crocheted. Author photo.

If you live with bipolar disorder, you might know how some of us pick up a hobby out of the blue and go all in. I buy all the “pro gear” I need for that particular endeavor. Then, after a while, I quit whatever hobby it is I picked altogether. For example, I used to make jewelry—I did it for years. I bought a ton of beads and tools. Then all of a sudden, I had absolutely no more interest in jewelry making whatsoever, just like that. I can’t explain it, but it’s happened to me several times with various hobbies: ceramics, drawing, martial arts, and collecting Star Wars Legos.

In 2016, I was going through a depressive episode and my therapist suggested trying something new. I’d always been interested in knitting, but a friend who does both said crochet was easier to learn. So I signed up for a class at a local yarn store.

The instructor was mean, telling me that I was hopeless when it came to crochet. I had so much trouble learning the absolute basic stitch, a foundation stitch called a chain stitch. I was determined so I kept at it. I bought a ton of yarn and downloaded many patterns, most of which I never got around to making.

After about a year, I decided I was done with crocheting. Just done. I gave away all my yarn but I kept my crochet hooks. I picked it up again after a few months, something I hadn’t done with all the other hobbies I’d quit.

Crochet helps with my anxiety because it gives me something to do with my hands. When I’m anxious, I rub my thumb and the first two fingers of my right hand together, I wring my hands (I didn’t realize people actually did that and not just in books). So I might as well do something productive with my hands.

If I lose interest in crocheting, that’s a red flag. One of the symptoms of depression is losing interest in things you normally enjoy. But I push myself at those times because finishing a small project like a hat gives me joy and lifts me out of the depression at least for a little while.

Currently, I’m making dog sweaters that I plan to donate to a rescue in the fall. My long-term project is a temperature blanket where I’d assigned different colors of yarn in ten-degree increments. Each row represents that day’s high in my city. It’ll take me a year to complete, maybe more if I decide to add a border (which I probably will). I’ve never made a blanket before because, although I still crochet, I sometimes abandon projects especially if they’re big. This is a way of showing myself that I can commit to a long-term project.