Studying the Craft of Writing
This is kind of how I felt about my novel manuscript after I received feedback. It’s trash. And yet, I’m compelled to continue revising it, so maybe it isn’t.
After my book coach’s critique of Act I, I learned that one of my weaknesses is showing the main character’s reactions; I don’t do it enough. So I read the book, The Emotional Craft of Fiction by Donald Maass.1 In it he describes how to add more emotion to your scenes. I like that the exercises provided are applicable to your current work-in-progress.
As an example, after the scene during which Jessica, the main character, is fired, she leaves her boss’s office and enters the locker room. Here’s the original version:
Jessica trudged to the locker room to collect her things.
The new version reads:
Outside the office, Jessica burst into tears. She wasn’t completely surprised she lost her job because she had a feeling this was coming. Still, she hadn’t expected it to hurt this much. The pain had knocked the wind out of her, and she struggled to take breaths.
She loved working in the clinic, but now it seemed like the two years she put in was all for nothing. She didn’t have much saved for school, and dreaded how Jason would react because they split the bills. Because of her mistakes, she wasn’t sure she could even get a job in her field.
She walked past her co-workers who could hear her sobs, and could probably guess the reason for them. She trudged through the well-lit treatment area with her head down.
Jessica entered the locker room to collect her things. . .
It isn’t perfect, but I think it’s a lot better. I’m hoping to keep up this momentum as I revise Act II. Thanks for reading!
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Good work. Showing vs telling is an interesting balancing act. I always ask myself if I want the reader to determine the situation for themselves or if they just need the facts. If I can express it efficiently without qualifying adjectives, I'll tell it. But if I want the reader to feel the scene (as in your example) or to draw conclusions, I will always show.. But showing takes 3 paragraphs vs one sentence, and therein lies the rub. Brava.
Way to go, Barb! To decide that this book is worth your time and energy, and to stick with it. I really enjoyed seeing this behind the scenes revision.